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So I thought I’d give this whole blog thing a try . . . Seriously . . .  I hope today’s post will make up for the lapse . . .

3 background statements before I set the stage:

1. I’ve been burning the candle at both ends lately. So, the Misses and I arranged for a weekend getaway sans children at this place called Gorham’s Bluff. Long story short, we spent most of the weekend on the couch in front of a fireplace watching movies, listening to music, or just talking. It was incredible.

2. My wife and I watched “The Assassination of Jesse James” on Saturday night. Bear with me. It’s important info.

3. My wife is a genius. Seriously. In college she was in every honor society imaginable. She graduated from Auburn Summa Cum Laude in both her undergrad and Masters program. She is a licensed marriage and family therapist. She changes people’s lives. All in all, probably the best person I know. Why am I telling you this? What I am about to relate to you might give you the wrong idea . . .

Behold, an actual conversation between me and my wife, Brendt. Every word of this conversation is true. I swear.

[SETTING: Breakfast on Sunday morning. The two of us, alone in the spacious, elegant dining room of the  Bed and Breakfast's picturesque lodge. White table cloth. Classical music coolly playing. Fire in the fireplace.

I am just finishing up my eggs. We have had a very normal conversation up to this point. Typical breakfast fare.]

Brendt: Who is James Brown?

Me: [PAUSE] (quizzical, slightly bemused look) Why do you ask?

Brendt: Do you remember that house when we were in college that had that huge sign on it that said “Free James Brown”?

Me: (Growing more bemused) Yes . . .

Brendt: Well, as I was watching the movie last night I thought for a second that sign was talking about Jesse James. Then I remembered it was James Brown.

Me: (Laughing) Yes . . . James Brown. Not Jesse James. That’s funny . . .

Brendt: So, who’s James Brown?

Me: (Staring at my wife of 9 years as if we have just met) For real?

Brendt: (Giving me that, “don’t look at me like that” look) Yes. For real. Who is James Brown?

Me: Oh, c’mon, babe! Jame Brown is the Godfather of Soul! “Papa’s Got a Brand New Bag?!” “Get Up Off That Thing?!” “It’s A Man’s World?!” James Brown!!

Brendt: Hmm. Never heard of him.

Me: (Incredulous) Wha??? Yes you have . . . I mean (singing, now) “I feel good/DUH-NUH-NUH-NUH-NUH-NUH-NUH/ You know that I would, now/DUH-NUH-NUH-NUH-NUH-NUH-NUH”

Brendt: Oh, yeah. (Pause. Chewing pancakes. Face scrunching up in thought) Wait . . . I thought that band, oh, what were they called? . . . (searching, searching) . . . I can’t remember . . . Shoot . . .

Me: What band? No . . . I’m telling you James Brown sang “I Feel Good.”

Brendt: (Working hard to recall band name)  . . . No . . . I thought it was that band . . . “The Raisins”?! Doesn’t . . .

Me: (Interrupting) The Raisins???????

Brendt: (Still not quite there yet) “The Raisins”?  . . . No, that’s not right . . .

Me: (Sarcastically. Joking. Never in a million years expecting my response to be taken seriously) Do you mean, The California Raisins?

Brendt: (Excited) YES! The California Raisins! I thought they sang “I Feel Good”?

Me: (Laughing) Yeah . . . That’s funny. The California Raisins.

Brendt: I thought they sang that?

Me: (Realizing she is serious. Face void of emotion. Shocked. Perplexed. Growingly amused.) Um . . . You do know that the California Raisins were cartoons?

Brendt: But they were a real band, right?

Me: (Beginning to lose it. Laughing histerically) No! They were freaking cartoons! An add campaign! The  construct of a marketing team somewhere. They didn’t exist! I mean, they were figurines in McDonald’s happy meals!

Brendt: (Not convinced) But, I mean, they had a video, right?

Me: Well, I mean, they had commercials . . . for California Raisins . . . And they became somewhat of a fad . . . But, I mean, they were toys. Animated figures. Claymation, to be exact.

Brendt: No. I think they were a band.

Me: What do you mean??????????

Brendt: They are on that CD we have.

Me: (Stunned. Momentarily questioning if we do indeed have a California Raisins CD I was uaware of) What CD?

Brendt: That CD with all the oldies on it.

Me: Wait . . . the Motown CD we have with “I Heard It Through the Grapevine” on it?

Brendt: Yes. That’s the California Raisins, right?

Me: (Dying a little inside) NO!!!! Absolutley not!!! That is Marvin Gaye!!! I mean, THE Marvin Gaye!!! Wait, did you think that was the California Raisins all this time?

Brendt: Yes. I even told the girls (our dughters) it was them.

Me: (Me making a mental note not to leave the musical upbringing of our daughters to Brendt) Babe . . . That is Marvin Gaye. As in, “What’s Going On”  “Let’s Get It On.”

Brendt: I thought it was the California Raisins. What do they sing?

Me: (Coming undone) Brendt, they are cartoons! Do we listen to Count Chocula or Tony the Tiger’s CD’s?

Brendt: I’m so confused . . . I swear there was a group called the California Raisins.

Me: [Speechless]

Brendt: Isn’t there a video or something where there is like a few black guys dressed as raisins . . .

Me: (Interrupting) Yes . . . I think it was implied that the California Raisins black . . . but actually they were purple, I guess. I mean . . . they were raisins.

Brendt: No. I can see in my mind this video of  these black guys dressed as raisins with their head sticking out of the top of the costume.

Me: (Moment of clarity) Wait . . . Are you thinking of the black guy dressed as a bunch of grapes in the “Fruit of the Loom” commercials?

Brendt: Oh . . . Yeah. I think maybe I am.

Me: (Melting into laughter. Howling. Laughing uncontrolably.)