The Messy Work of Spiritual Intimacy

I was teaching Bible Study last Sunday out of Galatians chapter 6. It was one of those occasions where I became quite convicted by what I was studying. Give me a minute to share . . .

There are really two issues that got my attention.

In 6:1 Paul says:

Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness.

Here the word restore is a medical term used to refer to “setting a fractured bone.” In dealing with fellow Christ-followers caught in sin, we have the choice to ignore the sin or to immediately expose the sin publicly. Think about what happens to a fractured bone if ignored. Think about what happens to fractured bone when it is needlessly exposed. In both cases, damaging and dangerous infection sets in.

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The best way to respond to a fractured bone is to re-align the break so that the bone will mend. This re-alignment must be done deliberately but with a knowing touch. You can’t manhandle the bone back in place if you expect it to heal properly. It must be so in our handling of sin in other’s lives.

It occurs to me that the kind of restoration Paul is referring to is messy, it’s involved. It’s not drive-by restoration. It’s not a hopeful word and a prayer. It is the dirty work of life-on-life interaction. It’s personal. It’s one-on-one.

When you set a bone, you can’t do it from across the room.

The second idea that convicted me is found in verse 2:

Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.

The idea of bearing another person’s burden implies helping carry a load that is too big for one person to manage on his or her own. Man, I wish this verse said to help people “lighten” their burden. See, I’m a fixer. I’d like to swoop in and fix the problem. I’d like to evaluate their load, isolate the problem, remove the excess baggage, and move on.

This is very arrogant of me, and a little weak, too.

The idea of carrying someone else’s burden is much more difficult and much more messy than lightening it. It requires me to work. Heaven forbid they might be toting their burden up a hill, or on a rocky or otherwise treacherous path. And their burden might be so big that it becomes a burden for me.

But this messiness, this level of personal interaction is exactly what we were called to do.

Why don’t we do more of this? Why aren’t we quicker to jump in and help restore others instead of ignoring or publicizing their sin? Why are we so hesitant to help people bear their burdens?

I think the answer is actually pretty simple . . .

We cannot bear the burdens of a brother or sister unless we know what those burdens are.

We cannot restore the fallen unless we know they have indeed stumbled.

And we will never know these things unless we invest ourselves in the lives of others and allow people to invest themselves in us.

James 5:16 says, “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed.” This verse is often misused and misapplied. People look at this verse as the foundation for intimacy and community

Wrong.

Confession of sin is not the basis of intimacy. Intimacy is the basis of confession. In other words, you cannot force accountability. It comes as an organic byproduct of authentic community.

We will never be able to help and restore a fellow believer if we do not have a foundation of intimacy. We will never be able to be restored or to be helped if we do not have a foundation of intimacy.

This is hard for us, especially in a culture that values independence and image. We are told that we must handle our issues on our own. We are told that image is everything . . . we can’t look like we don’t have it all together.

This is a lie. And it is not a picture of biblical Christianity.

If we are ever going to live up to our calling as restorers and as burden-lifters, we must first be willing to let others in to our lives and to become involved with the lives of others.

Thoughts?

Baby Vomit and the Jonas Brothers

So, it was one of those weeks where I was reminded of the unique interactions that occur when one enters into parenthood. Thought I would share . . .

We took the kids to Moe’s the other night. Kids eat free on Tuesdays. We’re there . . . We come home. All is well. Put our girls to bed. Life is good. I’m upstairs working when I hear Caroline, our 18-month old, kind of fussing. This is unusual, I think. The fussing keeps up for a bit. Then I hear her coughing. Then, vomiting. I jump up and run to her room, at which point I am repelled by a smell that can only be described as otherworldly. Something synthetic. Something concocted in a lab by a villainous scientist.

I fight my way through the noxious fumes to her crib to find a scene reminiscent of the Exorcist. exorcist_vomitVomit is spewing forth from her mouth like someone has turned on a fire-hydrant. She has a look on her face that is more confusion that discomfort. A couple of times she tries to put her hands over her mouth which only serves to make the vomit go all over the wall and bed and her hair and me.

By this point, Brendt has run upstairs and has taken over baby, leaving me to deal with the aftermath.

Did I mention we ate at Moe’s? Let me just say that the little mini-chicken burrito with beans and cheese was mostly intact. Apparently Caroline doesn’t chew that well. I bundle all of her linens in a pile and run downstairs. At this point, the fumes are unbelievable. I am perched in the precipice of regurgitation. And I have a pretty strong stomach.

I head to the washer to drop her linens in, when I realize there is such a large amount of, hmm . . . shall we say, “matter” that I need to rinse them off first. So, I proceed to try and rinse out the chunks into the sink. But the smell is so overpowering I begin to struggle. So, I end up stuffing two wads of paper towels in my nose while I gingerly rinse the semi-digested burrito into the sink.

I spend the next 15 minutes picking up chunks off the floor and out of the sink.

Parenthood.

Now, an example from the other extreme . . .
The following is a real conversation between my five-and-a-half-year-old and me. It occurred in Wal-Mart.

[Setting: Cereal aisle.]

Sara Frances: Dad look. The Jonas Brothers are on that cereal box. Can we get it?

Me: No.

Sara Frances: They’re the Jonas Brothers. Their names are Jonas.

Me: That’s right, honey.

Sara Frances: [Pointing to each of the JoBros individually] His name is Jonas. And his name is Jonas. And his name is Jonas.

Me: That’s right. [Pausing. Sensing the teachable moment.] Well, you know, their last names are Jonas. Like “The Jonas Brothers.” Not their first names.

Sara Frances: [Kind of catty. Self assured.] No. Their names are Jonas. [Pointing again. A little exasperated.] His name is Jonas, and his name is Jonas, and his name is . . .

Me: [Interrupting, gently] No, babe. Their last names are Jonas. Like you and Abby are sisters. You would be called the “Blanks Sisters.”

Sara Frances: [Generally puzzled, but open to the idea.] Oh . . . Well, then what are their names?

Me: Well, I’m not sure. I think his name is Joe. And the fancy one there is Kevin I think . . . I can’t remember the other guy’s name.

Sara Frances: [Looking at me dubiously. Silent at first. Pausing. Then, pointing to one of them.] He has a girlfriend.

Me: You know, the rumor is that one of them is dating Miley Cyrus. Apparently she was dating this older dude, I think he modeled underwear, but she broke up with him. Word on the streets is that she’s back together with one of the Brothers.

Sara Frances: [Literally making a “whatchyoutalkinboutWillis?” face at me.] Dad . . . he does not date Miley Cyrus. [Derisively chuckling to herself.]

Me: [Adamantly, as if maybe we were talking about issues of national security or social welfare.] Yes he does! I promise he’s dating Miley Cyrus . . . I read it on . . . [Pausing, realizing that A) I am arguing with my 5-year-old over the Jonas Brothers in the middle of Wal Mart’s cereal aisle, and B) that I know WAY more about them than any 32-year-old former Marine should.]

[Awkward moment where my daughter and I are staring at one another.]

Me: [Dejected] Let’s go . . .

Parenthood.

Teenagers, Prejudice, and Social Networking

If you are one of the readers of this blog who works with teenagers either in youth ministry or some other fashion, you need to become familiar (if you are not already) with a researcher named Dr. Danah Boyd. Boyd conducts her research at Microsoft Research New England and is a Fellow at the Harvard Berkman Center for Internet and Society. Aside from having this super cool bio, she is a true expert on all things social media. I stumbled upon her work last year and have benefited greatly from it. She’s pretty cool.

Anyway, she recently wrote a paper and gave a corresponding talk that got my attention. This is the link to her blog (I suggest you add it to your blogroll) where you will find the paper and talk I am referring to.

The talk that got my attention is Boyd making the case that the various social and even racial divisions that play out in the real world are alive and well on social network sites (i.e., Facebook and MySpace). This concept fascinated me. So, thought I’d share and get your comments.

Here’s a super-quick and, admittedly, drastically oversimplified summary of what Boyd found:

  • Facebook and MySpace are “neck-and-neck” in terms of users. This means MySpace has pretty much stayed the same while Facebook has shown dramatic growth. No surprise here.
  • Overwhelmingly, teenagers seem to be choosing Facebook or MySpace. Some do both. Not many. Not a big deal in itself, but look what Boyd has found . . .
  • Boyd writes, “[Choosing Facebook or MySpace] isn’t about features of functionality. It’s about the social categories in which we live. It’s about choosing sites online that reflect ‘people like me.’ And it’s about seeing the ‘other’ site as the place where the “other” people go.”

She includes a quote from a 14-year-old girl that seems to back this up:

“I’m not really into racism, but I think that MySpace now is more like ghetto or whatever, and Facebook is all . . . not all the people that have Facebook are mature, but it’s supposed to be like oh we’re more mature.”

Boyd points out that as teens made their decisions about what sites they would network on, the sites themselves began to break down along many of the same “label lines” (my word, not Boyd’s) that stratify teenagers’ social lives. Many (if not most) of the cool, popular, smart, white, middle-to-upper class kids chose Facebook, leaving MySpace as (mostly) the realm of minorities and sub-groups. Sound like a bold statement? Keep reading.

I want to leave with a quote from the end of Boyd’s talk, and then pose some questions. Boyd was examining the data about the transition of teenagers from My Space to Facebook as Facebook was beginning to emerge and catch on. Boyd said:

Whites were more likely to leave or choose Facebook. The educated were more likely to leave or choose Facebook. Those from wealthier backgrounds were more likely to leave or choose Facebook. Those from the suburbs were more likely to leave or choose Facebook. Those who deserted MySpace did so by “choice” but their decision to do so was wrapped up in their connections to others, in their belief that a more peaceful, quiet, less-public space would be more idyllic.

Now here are some questions to those of you who work with teenagers, especially in a ministry capacity:

  • Do you see these social divisions play out on the pages of your students?
  • Do the different “cliques” in your youth groups break down along the lines Dr. Boyd mentions?

And a larger question . . .

  • Are you actively teaching your students to apply the same biblical principles in cyber-space as they are in the real world?

In other words, are you challenging your students to conduct themselves as Christ-followers on social networking sites? Are you addressing this behavior? What are you finding? What are the results?

To me it’s such a captivating thought to consider  how spiritual development bleeds over into “virtual” environments. I’d love to hear what you think.

Hi. My name is Andy.

Yeah . . . felt like in introduction was due after a 4 month break.

4 months! I know. Long time, right?

Well, I wasn’t just sitting around playing solitaire. I was working. Writing. Lots of writing. Since I last blogged me and some friends wrote a super cool book for teenagers. We did in 16 weeks what would have taken most mortals about 18 months. That’s a testament to the awesome team we have at Student Life.

If you want to see the book, click here. (click on the Resources tab, and then on the Reverb Student Book to see a cool preview.) It’s 320 pages of pure beauty. If you want to see my buddy Chris (who was one of the friends who helped write it) talk about the blog on a cool video blog, click here. (Speaking of Chris, he inspired me to start blogging again. Honestly, I think I might have been ready to call it quits. But the Kins inspired me. He took time off for the same reasons I did. (Oh, and he and his wife had Story. Who is really cool.) But he hit the blag-o-sphere with a vengeance upon his return. So . . . he motivated me. I’m going to get back in the game.)

Also, we did a major overhaul of our bible study, Student Life Bible Study’s Reverb. Check it out here. It’s an amazing tool for youth ministers. It represents some of our best work.

Also, also . . . I submitted my first book proposal that will (might, maybe, hopefully . . . ) be published by someone other than Student Life. I’ll keep that one on the downlow until I know more. I mean, you know . . . no need talking about something that may or may not happen. Trust me, if it happens you’ll know.

Drew asked me why I stopped blogging. I told him I just didn’t feel like I had much to say at the end of the day. Then I realized I have been allowing the creativity and study and production that I do at work to become all the creation and study that I do, period. In other words, lately I have allowed work to sort of count for my creative expression. I don’t think that is what God intends. So, promise to write more here and other places.

Because I love you, I’m going to leave you with this:

Compassion International

My friends Drew, Taylor, and Eric are in Kenya right now along with several other Student Life staff. They are in Kenya as a direct result of our partnership with Compassion International. They will be filming Compassion projects in Kenya, as well as interviewing some of Compassion’s LDP students.

For those of you who don’t know, Compassion International is a sponsorship-driven organization committed to freeing children from poverty in Jesus’ name. Quite simply, Compassion is one of the most amazing organizations I have ever encountered.

It seems to me that Compassion does three things better than any other similar organization:

  • They are singularly committed to not only releasing children from poverty’s suffocating and ruthless grip, but seeing poverty eradicated altogether. While there are certainly other organizations that share their passion, I do not know of any other that is so effective at executing their goals.
  • Compassion absolutely lives up to Christ’s command in John 13:34-35: “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35 By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” What I see in Compassion is an organization from the top to the bottom demonstrating the love of Christ in a way that is free of agenda or pretense. It is refreshing to say the least.
  • Compassion is good at doing what they do. I mean this. Something like 80 cents of every sponsor dollar actually goes to the children. This is because Compassion uses indigenous staff, churches, and infrastructure to serve the regions in which their respective projects operate. Not only does this perspective keep Compassion from inadvertently imposing Western culture and values in the communities they serve, it makes their organization extremely efficient.

While I believe so strongly in Compassion’s mission, I have a much more personal involvement.

Actually I have three.

Their names are Joel, Kampire, and Rajabu. They are the three children our family sponsors. In the last five years I have seen first hand the difference Compassion has made in their lives.

Joel lives in Haiti. His mother passed away recently and he now lives with his grandmother.

Rajabu lives in Tanzania. He lost both his parents from AIDS.

Kampire lives in Rawanda.

See, these kids live in a world I cannot even fathom. Yet, Compassion reaches into their lives and communicates love and respect to them. The impact of this cannot be overstated.

As a sponsor, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my money goes to help feed, educate, and otherwise sustain these children. They are plugged-in to local centers where they receive education, biblical training, food, medicine, etc. If you’ve never sponsored a child, you have no idea what it feels like to know that you can make such an amazing difference in a child’s life.

If you have managed to read this far and do not sponsor a child, please take the opportunity to visit Compassion’s site. You truly can save a child from poverty and make an incredible difference in his or her life.

Why I Do What I Do

We are doing some really cool things at Student Life. We are about to unveil an awesome new Bible Study product, that is really more of an overhaul/update/redo of our existing Bible Study line. We are doing some marketing for this on this site.

I wrote a post for the blog. After I wrote it I realized it wasn’t quite what I needed. Too personal. But, I thought it told a good story, so here it is.

I want to write to you today about why I am so passionate about teenagers and their spiritual development. But first, I want to talk about a very personal experience I had, one that might shed light on why I have been a part of Student Life Bible Study for nearly six years now. If you will indulge me, I want to tell you a story . . .

I wasn’t a Christian when I was a teenager. As a result, by age 21 when I submitted to Christ’s lordship over my life, I was at rock bottom. I had made every mistake a person could make. But there was a moment when I was 17 that I tried to change my life’s course . . . except that the very people I turned to turned against me.

By my junior year in high school I was already abusing drugs and alcohol. I had been already been arrested once. But it was nearly dying in a car accident (the driver was drunk) that got my attention. Feeling a need for something different, I reached out to a youth group in a prominent local church. I attended a few functions and even went on a rafting trip. It was during this rafting trip that I began to understand where I stood in the youth minister’s big picture.

It came to my attention that my presence was not really desired. You see, I was one of “those” kids. Unchurched. Unspiritual. “Lost.” Rebellious. An outsider. It was made clear to me by the youth minister that I was un-welcomed at his youth group. If I could somehow get it together, I would happily be allowed back in the fold. To a 17 year-old struggling with the meaning of his life, this was the opposite of what I needed. I stopped attending the youth group. And headed down a path of destruction that left scars that still fester from time to time, even today.

I often wonder, “what if”? What if that church, that youth leader had reached out to me? How much pain, anger, and sadness might I have avoided?

This story, this experience compels me to seek out teenagers with the message of God’s plan. It drives me to communicate the love of Christ to a generation that needs it. I long to see teenagers view all of their life through the lens of God’s Word. To discover for themselves the purpose, passion, and potential unlocked by living a life devoted to Christ. I long to see the Spirit bring about transformation in the lives of teenagers.

Transformation . . . It is why I do what I do.

I wish my kids spoke French

Cause this is just awesome.

Putting a bow on Disciple Now

So, the Shades Mountain Baptist Disciple Now weekend is over . . .

To recap, a list:

1.    I am fortunate enough to speak at these types of events a dozen times or so each year. This was the first one I have done for my home church. I love our teenagers. I know every youth minister says this, but I think our teenagers are some of the coolest kids around. They are deep spiritually, but more than that, willing to actively live out their faith. Granted, I am painting with a broad brush and certainly there are exceptions within the group. But, I love the opportunities I get to interact with them.
2.    This was a unique theme. When it boils down to it, even though we didn’t “advertise” it as such, we focused the weekend on spiritual disciplines. I taught the importance of prayer and Scripture interaction as key components of our relationship with Christ. I was leery of how the students might respond. They blew me away. They drank it in, applying themselves and taking it seriously.
3.    We structured the weekend around the theme of “hitting pause.” I couched the weekend in terms of how busy teens are with all of their commitments. But, I brought in an element of cultural saturation as well. How they are constantly bombarded by media, messaging, etc. The noise competes with God for their attention.
4.    I defined the pause as, “The act of cultivating your relationship with Christ through conversation in prayer and interaction with the Bible in an atmosphere of silence and solitude.” I used our different sessions to flesh out the various parts of this definition.
5.    We provided one hour for students to “pause” and practice the discipline of prayer. We did the same for the discipline of interacting with Scripture. Most students took this seriously and really dug in. For the student who had never prayed more than 5 minutes, spending 15 minutes in prayer was a huge deal. A couple of the kids prayed for the hour and were surprised how fast it went. I was concerned how this would go over. I was proud of our kids for taking it seriously.
6.    The students seemed to really like the opening talk where we made the case for silence and solitude by looking at all the times Christ went away by himself to pray and reflect. I think the staff liked my talk on prayer best . . . I liked my Sunday morning talk looking at being messengers of reconciliation and ambassadors of Christ. (2 Corinthians 5:16-21)
7.    Anyway, it was a great weekend. I feel like we did something practical and useful, giving them actual practices that will help lay the foundation of good spiritual habits in their lives.
8.    I do not think this type of weekend will work with just any youth group. And I don’t think it is the kid of thing we will do next year. But every so often, this type of reinforcement is invaluable.

Living in D-Now World . . .

So, I have one foot in my D-Now for this weekend and one foot in pounding out a Student Book for Student Life Bible Study. Fun times . . .

Wednesday night was the intro session for the weekend at our church. For those of you who might not be familiar with Disciple Now, it is merely a weekend sort-of retreat for youth. The teens alternate between large and small group sessions throughout the weekend. There is usually a speaker that handles large group sessions (in this case, yours truly). The small groups are usually 6-8 teenagers, along with one or two leaders, who actually spend the weekend in the homes of host-families from the church. Mix in some fun activities and you have yourself a D-Now weekend.

Anyway, I have the opportunity to speak at a dozen or so of these type of events a year. This weekend’s is special because it is at my home church, Shades Mountain Baptist.

The focus this weekend is teaching teenagers the importance of “hitting pause,” making time in the midst of their fast-paced, entertainment- and commitment-packed lives to cultivate their relationship with God. It’s going to be a cool weekend, blending large group, small group, and time in solitude for prayer and Scripture meditation/study.

Wednesday night we used Mark 1:32-38 as a theme/introductory passage.

Tonight I’ll be doing two sessions: a deeper intro that includes really exploring the idea of rest, solitude, and silence as seen throughout Scripture; and an in-depth look at prayer that focuses on the Lord’s prayer as a model for our prayer life.

Anyway, I’m pumped. Thought I’d share . . .

Still here

Long time, no blog.

You haven’t heard from me in a while because I have been super busy. But, it’s been busy with all the right things.

To catch up, a list:

1.    Things are hopping at Student Life. I can’t say too much, but let’s just say that there are some big things in store. If you care about these things, check out this site for a sneak preview. Yeah, I know . . . This is James Bond-top secret type stuff, right?
2.    As many of you know, I am fortunate enough to get the opportunity to speak at youth and college events. I love this. While I have tons of room to improve, I feel like this is an area where God has called and gifted me. I love communicating the truth of His Word. Anyway, I have a HUGE Disciple Now this weekend at a church in Birmingham. I will start with a session on Wednesday night. I will do two large-group sessions Friday night, three Saturday, and one Sunday morning. Working with the staff I have developed all the content from scratch. It has been a lot of work, about 4 months worth, but I feel so good about it. I know God will move . . .
3.    One of the things I have been working on in conjunction with Student Life Bible Study is a new Student Book to go along with our new Bible Study. It’s going to be incredible. 300 pages of awesomness. It is a crazy big project that the amazing Ruth is helping with. Anyway, I am writing that, in the word of Joe Cocker, “with a little ‘elp from me friends.”
4.    If you missed it, Student Life’s Live Love Conference rolled through the ‘Ham last week. In terms of creative content, this year is as good or better than any year in recent memory. Student Life’s production team did an incredible job. Kristian Stanfill is my favorite worship leader. Such a nice, genuine guy. He seriously rocked. Stuart Hall spoke. It was a great weekend.
5.    Baseball season, oh, joyous baseball, is near. Pitcher and catchers report to Spring Training soon. It’s coming . . . I can smell it.
6.    This made me laugh.

Out.