So, we all have different sides to ourselves . . . Mostly I devote my time to writing Bible Study resources for teenagers. Except when I don’t . . .
My lovely wife and I help facilitate our church’s grief outreach. My wife is a grief counselor. I’m just a dude who has (unfortunately) dealt with a lot of loss in his young life.
So, one of the areas I write and speak about is grief and loss.
For lots of folks, the holidays have a sort of cloud over them. These are people for whom Christmas is a reminder of a void. A void left by the death of a spouse, child, or some other significant loved one.
I spoke at a banquet our church gave for those who have lost someone this year, a banquet focusing on finding hope amidst grief in this holiday season.
I thought I would post the talk here. If this applies to you, please read on. If not, recommend it to someone who might struggle some this Christmas due to grief.
And as always, let me know what you think or if I can help you.
It was Thursday morning, October 6th, 2005. It was a little before 10:00 AM. I was sitting in a cubicle at Student Life, editing a Bible Study lesson for teenagers. My desk phone rang. I looked at the number. One of my brothers was calling me from their shared home in Athens. I picked up the phone and was greeted by the hysterical voice of my middle brother.
“He killed himself. Paul killed himself.”
I remember telling my brother to call me back on my cell phone and hanging up. Walking out of our office space, one of my co-workers asked, “Is everything OK?” I answered him . . . No.
Paul was my baby brother. He was my best friend in the world. His loss changed something inside of me. In some ways, forever. The days after his death were awful. They were so hard! I remember the waves of emotions coming over me in the days after his death. I remember wanting to just surrender to it. Just sit in it. Wallow in it. Let it overtake me.
But here is an interesting thing: God saw me through my grieving.
Certainly, the kind words and emotional support of my wife helped. And there were other gracious people who made healing easier. But it was God who literally pulled me through it. He saw me through the lowest time in my life. He has seen many of you through yours, as well.
Some of you, however, are in the midst of your low time. Some of you are seeking out God each day to bring you through this valley.
Even those of us who have come through the most imposing moments of our grief journey are susceptible to being sucked back in during the holidays.
So, regardless of who you are, I want to speak to you very briefly today. I want to speak to you as someone who has been in the valley. Someone who has looked for God in the shadows and could not always find Him. Someone who cried out to God for comfort when there was none.
In those dark times, I remember feeling like God was very far away from me. What a terrible feeling in such a distressing time. I remember not understanding why I couldn’t feel God’s presence. And I remember this really giving me great pause. Maybe you can relate?
Well, I want you to know that I read something the other day that I believe God alerted me to, knowing I had this talk to give, knowing it was on my mind. It is an amazing commentary on this very subject. And I want to share it with you.
Joey Shaw, one of the pastors from The Austin Stone Community Church in Austin, was doing mission work in China. While in China, on November 8th, Joey was robbed by a group of Chinese youth. In the attack, he was cut by a straight razor on from his ear to his cheek.
Reading the accounts, it sounds like a horrifying experience. I will save you the details. Several days after the attack, Joey wrote an amazing blog post where he detailed the reflections God had lead him to in the wake of this attack. He said something profound I wanted to share with you today, something that resonated very deeply with me as it pertains to the days following my brothers death.
This is what Joey said:
Sometimes the Lord might keep us from feelings so that we will rely on simple faith in His written promises. Immediately after the attack, as we ran for safety and sought medical care, I wanted to feel the Lord’s presence with us. Our hearts were racing, our emotions were barely steady as blood gushed from my wound onto my shirt and pants. I wanted the physical comfort of the Lord’s presence. But I did not feel it; rather, I had to believe it. Where my feelings failed, my mind thrived. I remembered Scripture and believed it. My heart followed the leadership of my head and believed in the Lord’s comfort and presence even when I did not feel it.
What a deeply profound thought. “I wanted the physical comfort of the Lord’s presence. But I did not feel it; rather, I had to believe it.”
I can relate so much to this thought in the days and weeks after my brother died. I remember wanting so badly to be comforted by God, and feeling perplexed when I did not feel comforted. I think this was the biggest question I had in processing grief. “God, why didn’t you make me feel comforted?”
I believe Joey nailed it.
Our feelings are so fickle, aren’t they? They can deceive us. We can feel one thing one moment, another the next. We can feel badly when everything seems to be going great. We can feel great when all around us is falling apart. So, it is no wonder that sometimes, in the midst of extreme grief, we do not feel God’s presence. We do not feel comforted.
What this Joey reminds us, and what I am fond of reminding others in a time of trouble or separation from God, is that God always is.
God is always near.
God is constant.
God always is!
Malachi 3:6 says, “I the LORD do not change.”
Isaiah 40:28 says “The LORD is the everlasting God . . . He will not grow tired or weary.”
He is always there with us. He is never far away. Whether we feel Him or not changes nothing about this fact.
God is our comforter. How do we know this? Because the Bible tells us.
May your unfailing love be my comfort, according to your promise to your servant. Psalm 119:76
God is our healer. How do we know? Because the Bible tells us.
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3
God is the giver of peace. The Bible tells us this is true.
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. John 14:27
One of the most important things we can do is turn to God’s Word in times of darkness, in times of trouble. Everything in your body might rebel from this idea. Your spirit may tell you the last thing it needs is to read the Bible.
But God has chosen His Word to be the primary way He communicates to us. And He has given His Spirit to help lead you to encountering Him through the Bible: “But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you” (John 14:26 ).
God longs to communicate with you in your time of grief. Proverbs 8:17 says “I love those who love me, and those who seek me diligently find me.”
When you do not feel God, when you are overwhelmed by your situation, God has given you His promises, in His Word, to sustain you.
My word for you today is to seek God in His Word.
Compassion International and Kenya, Day 5
Well, this will be a short post. We are about to leave to go on a 24 hour safari, kind of a final way of getting together as a team and having a little fun. Before we go, I wanted to give you a quick update of what we did yesterday.
One of the Compassion LDP students that has been with our group (and will be with Student Life this summer) is Maureen. Like every LDP student I have ever met, she is extremely sharp. She has such a compelling story and is so articulate and passionate when communicating it. All of the LDP students have overcome so much to get to where they are.
Anyway, yesterday we joined Maureen at her church for the Sunday morning Service. Let me describe to you this church . . .
The church is a walled compound with the sanctuary and some very minimal office space on the right, and some low slung buildings on the left. There is a large dirt parking/gathering space in between the two structures. When we arrived, we could hear children’s voices from the buildings on the left. The kids were having Sunday School. (A handful saw us arrive and squirted out the door to greet us before a teacher rounded them all back up.)
We went upstairs to the church office that doubled as the Compassion project office, a space no more than 20X10 feet. We reunited with the LDP students who had been with Student Life last summer. It was a lot of hugging, and laughing, with something like 25 people crammed in this office space.
At about 9:50 we left the office and traveled down the narrow, dimly lit corridor to the sanctuary. We passed the generator that powered the sanctuary, stepping over the exposed wires that ran through the window and down to the front of the inside of the church.
We took our seats near the front of the church, as the people started filling in. This sanctuary was awesome. It was an “L” shape, with the long part of the “L” being formed by the center isle. At the front of the church was a small stage-like area, then the small part of the “L” shot off to our left. There were windows, maybe 7 feet tall spread fairly far apart on the walls. The ceiling was maybe 30 feet high, made of roughly cut and patched corrugated tin. The exposed iron trusses that held the roof up had long ago succumb to the rust that covered them. One large, un-uniformly shaped concrete column held the roof in place. Several wooden doors that looked to be a million years old let people come and go from the sanctuary.
On the stage were seated the elders of the church and the various “staff” members. We took our seats in a place of honor, which was a very kind and gracious gesture on the part of the church. We were introduced, and I actually got to share a few words on behalf of our group. If you look at the picture below it makes me look like I am preaching a revival. I assure you it was a very short speech. But the picture looks pretty cool.
After the introductions, the music began. And boy did the music began! You have never seen such praise! And it lasted for almost two hours!!!! You heard me right. We sang praise songs for almost two hours, mostly in a language we did not understand. But it is the universal language of praise to God that doesn’t have to be understood to be felt. It was a powerful time of worship.
By the time the service ended, we had been in church for 3.5 hours! But it was an amazing experience. I would do it again today.
These are a people who understand joy, real spiritual joy . . . They are constantly in praise to God. I cannot tell you what a privilege it has been to be here sharing with them in praise and love for our Father.
OK, off to the Safari. I might not get a chance to post until I return to the States, but I’ll try if I get the chance.
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