The Relational Superpower In Short Supply
Confession time: I'm a sci-fi/fantasy fiction junky. I usually read a couple of fantasy novels at a time, and I will re-read an entire series at the drop of a hat. Most summers, I choose a classic trilogy or series to re-read. I have read Lord of the Rings no less than six times. Maybe seven. The same applies to Harry Potter, The Chronicles of Narnia, and many more. Something about the genre has captured me since I was a kid.
Not too long ago, I re-read one of my favorite series, the classic Ender’s Game by Orson Scott Card. There was a line in one of the books, the excellent Speaker for the Dead, that I know I have read before, but for some reason, it hit me differently this time. Maybe it's the world we find ourselves in. Maybe it's that I'm a little bit older as I re-encounter the book's plot. For whatever case, something about a line the main character, Ender, says made me pause. The line is this:
"When you really know somebody, you can't hate them. Or maybe it's just that you can't really know them until you stop hating them."
What about this line resonated with me so much? Maybe it’s the same thing resonating with you as you read it. The line is an incredible examination of the concept of empathy.
As Christ-followers, empathy should be something we have in great measure. And yet, it seems to be in short supply these days.
Empathy is the ability to understand and share in another person's feelings. To be empathetic toward another person is to work to try and understand what they feel and why they feel it. It is an attempt, to use an old cliché, at walking a mile in another person's shoes as much as possible. And empathy is a major key to living as a Christ-follower in this world.
Jesus was an extremely empathetic person. You could go as far as to say that unless God Himself had a deeply rooted sense of empathy, there would be no incarnation. God grasped the full measure of the pain and suffering sin caused humanity. This greatly moved Him. Out of this empathy and compelled by His love, He sent His son to live as a human to redeem our condition and end the pain sin causes.
When it comes to Christ's incarnation, we cannot separate empathy from love. They drive one another.
Throughout Jesus' ministry, He empathized with the people He came to save. Empathy drove Jesus to sorrow over the spiritual state of the lost that surrounded Him (Matt. 9:36). Empathy at the grief Mary and Martha experienced compelled His tears (John 11:35). Empathy drove Jesus to ask forgiveness for the very people who tortured Him (Luke 23:34). Being fully God and fully man, Jesus grasped the dire spiritual condition of those around Him, and this motivated much of His ministry. As a Christ-follower, we are called to seek to show the same empathy to those we encounter daily (Eph. 5:1-2).
How would your life change if you were more empathetic? Would your relationship with your spouse be better if you sought to understand how they felt about a certain issue? The next time you disagree with your child, how might empathy toward their position help you manage that interaction better? What about that co-worker who is tough to work with? Have you ever stopped and tried to understand them?
Here's one: What about the person who is "other" compared to you? The person of another political party, race, nationality, or even religion? When did you last try to stop and understand where they were coming from?
Having empathy for someone doesn't mean you condone what they do. It doesn't mean you validate their choices or even their viewpoint. Being empathetic only means that you've attempted to see the world from someone else's viewpoint. Your response should still and always be grounded in the heart of the Gospel. Truth is truth. But showing compassion and empathy for others, especially those we disagree with, is a huge step in living a life that aligns with God's character and ways. And that's something we should all be striving for.
If we learn to increase our measure of this one vital trait (a trait modeled by Christ and practiced throughout the ages by people who have made an immeasurable impact on the world), our lives and those around us will radically change for the better.
This article originally appeared in the Good For You Newsletter, Vol: 8.
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